wouldnt you be depressed????

58yo, near broke, living off moms govt retitrement checks. I have a shitty job that pays $200 wk. I burned through my $40k 401k while unemployed. The only income I will have will be social securutiy if thats still around. I owe 30k on the mobile home I bought new in 2000. My mortgage is 650 month, electric 130, cable/phone/internet 150, cell ph 54 monthly. The only reason I'm surviving is moms income. I have no friends in town and only a couple out of town. Never married, mom is only relativee and shes 86yo. I suffered from depression for years, finally diagnosed and medicated in 2000something. Meds are not satisfactory treatment but since I have no health insurance there isnt much I can do. I have crappy BCBS coverage that pays for my meds and $50 for Dr visit, bfd! I am likely going to grow old, alone and poor. True I brought these cirrcumstances on myself and I have no one else to blame. Depreession has me so I have no abbitiion to do anything abut it. If notfor  caring for mom I proably would jsut lay down and die! I am moms only caregiver and being the only child, I am still her baby, drives me nuts sometimes to be treated as a child but others say "a mom is always a mom and you are always here child" so I deal with it. Mom and I have always been very close and if something happened to me, she would DIE, literally! I just have no intereests in going on, I go day to day almost zombie like, get up, go 2 work (sometimes I enjoy the ppl at work sometimes not), come home, cook dinner (cuz mom has severe arthrurutus, cant see well so I dont want her near a hot stove), then I peruse the www un til her bedtime, some life huih? Some will say, "hey at least your breathing and mom is still alive bla bla bla". Some say "get some you time away from mom", but she is very clingy, even moreso at her age and she will make me feel bad aboout going out alone, so I trick her, say I'm going to work, then call in sick at work and go off by myself for the day but it doesnt seem to help. I think I need to find someone my age to talk to but being extremely shy what to do? I'm beginning to question my sanity, I might be manic cuz I do have good days and then more bad days than good. Why is someone my age like this, I have no future, no savings, no friends, no family, no nuthin! These thoughts are rght from my mind without editing, I'm sitting here on computer, mom watching tv. I dont know how to describe mom, she has always been small in statue, wore baby shoes as a teenager and only grew to 4' 9" in adulthood, and very naive. Mom lost 4 babies at birth, I was the only survivor. Mom was always a stay at home housewife and knows very little of the world. When dad died in 1980 I had to show her how to balance a checkbook and even write a check, pay bills...everything! Dad did everything, but he drank himself to death at 50yo. Dad was always working 2 jobs, air force and bartending so we seldom saw him, which was ok with us, never recall being close to dad, he didnt even tell me the facts of life when I was younger. Never any advice on how to get started on life, like choosing a career, "what do you want to do with your life son" NOT, or never tried to straighten me out went I went off course, lying, drug use etc. Until I went to truck driver school in 1989 I had never held a job for more than a few months at a time and then it was gas station attendent, taxi driver, go nowhere jobs! So here I am, old and useless and pissed I gueess. I dont like or enjoy my life at all and I dont know what to do! If it werent for caring for mom I think I'd just dry up and die.
Why is it I can carry on a conversation with strangers but I dont like to just chat with mom? She has stories about her childhood and I could care less, WTF!? I love mom to death but something about her irratates me, why is that? and its been like that for awhile not just duirng my caregiver status. Too many lies to her when I was younger? She always has been very overprotective of me, I never broke my arm or leg when I was a kid cuz she wouldnt let me do dangerous stuff :-(. I think I need to talk to a shrink, what do you think?